New Phase Of Life

and so Mr. TT's hopping on to a new phase of life, of a Singaporean male.

I'll be enlisting into National Service tomorrow. 0845hrs, BMTC School 4. while many are worried, I'm trying to keep calm, and not think so much. I'm more excited than worried actually.

keeping my positive will help me with the 1year 10months I'm going to spend as a soldier. thus I'll go in with a positive mindset, and think it's just a camp that's really really long. shit's definitely going to happen, but I'll enjoy as much as possible.

I'm going to miss stuff when I'm in there. because of the 2-week(plus plus) confinement, I have to stop Dragon Boat for around 3 weeks. which sucks, really, because DB's my life. I'm going to miss some people, some VERY important people. but hey, time's going to fly and I'll be out in no time. so the 'missing's going to be short-lived.

and to end off. I hope to achieve the goals I've set for myself for NS.

till the next time I blog, see you guys around.

HOT

After you spend the day under the hot sun, your body gets burnt and it will probably feel hot for the rest of the day. Then when you think the night will be cooling, and it doesn't, the feeling just sucks.

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Always on my mind

I can't help it. I just can't let go, can't move on, can't forget, can't stop thinking of you.

I don't know what to do now.

Can we please go back to what we were before? Please?

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Singapore Youth Olympic Games(SYOG), 2010

I've been helping out behind the scenes at the Singapore Sports School(SSS) for the SYOG since before the event started. It is the last day of competition at the SSS, and I've enjoyed my time here for the past two weeks or so.

Though most of the days I spent at the SSS were taxing, due to the shifting of equipments and etc, I enjoyed them because I got to meet amazing friends, athletes and the best thing was the experience I had.

I really wish to have the opportunity to be part of another major sporting event. Thank you SYOG for the excellent experience.

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21st

So my 21st birthday was on Monday, 16th August. I had one "celebration" and ZERO presents. So much for 21st being a big deal.

The "celebration" was done together with only 2 other people, Mai and Lynnette. Despite the small number, and literally small size(hehe), I still enjoyed my time with them at NYNY. Thank you ladies!




Told you birthdays weren't a big deal.

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Wishlist

My 21st birthday is just around the corner. I never expect presents every year but I always have wishlists.

Materialistic wishes (in no particular order):

Car
Van
Braca Dragon Boat Paddle
iPhone 4
F1 2010 (PS3 game)
F1 2010 Singapore GP Walkabout Raceday Tickets
Roadbike
Polo Tee
Adidas Running Shoes
TimBuk2 Bag (Small Sized)
Camera Lens
Casio G-Shock Watch

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The Strive For Perfection

If I have to do this alone, then I shall.

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Down

This is probably the only place I can speak my mind with the least people knowing.

I've came from one of my high points of my life, into one of my lowest.

Simply said, things are not going my way.

I'm having problems with my friends.
I'm having problems maintaining what I do best, paddling.

It may seem like a really really short list but that's about the whole of my life, Dragon Boat and friends. My family's something I'm not too worries about because I know I can get help from my parents, or my mum at least.

See, my 21st birthday is coming and many have asked why I didn't hold a party. Trust me, 21st birthdays are really big deals. My usual answers would be that I don't have many friends around. Holding a party would only make it look worst and even if there's a hundred guests, most would go like "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERENCE!" and then 'munch munch munch' then "BYE! THANKS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!" I'm guilty of that too when I go to birthday parties, so I know.

Friends are really easy to find, but true friends aren't. Sadly, I'm probably still in search of that. At times maybe I thought "yea, he/ she will be like my true friend and will be there for me". Well I would say I'm wrong most of the time. Sad fact of life.

Then comes Dragon Boat, an integral part of my life. I would say my morale and confidence have been hit after being 'benched' for the CCWC 2000m race. Since then, I felt like crap and have been trying to push myself more to achieve a 'higher level of paddling', so to speak. Today's training just hit me once again as I realise the tough climb up the ladder. I thought I had a certain standard, but I was wrong.

I'm utterly disappointed in myself and I can only pray that I can stay strong and passionate to the sport. I actually, for the first time in a VERY long while, felt like quitting.

I don't have people I can talk to about such stuff, so I'm typing everything down here. I'm not expecting replies or advices of any sorts also.

I can only depend on God and myself to get myself out of this.

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Club Crew World Championships 2010, Macau

went up to Macau for the 7th CCWC, where the strongest dragon boat clubs meet up and compete with each other for the title of World Champions.

SAFSA participated in the U23 category, facing 3 teams from Canada and 1 team each from Macau and Hong Kong. these opponents, though unheard of in Singapore, were no push overs as they tried time and time again to beat SAFSA. successfully, we managed to secure not only podium standings for all events, which are 2000m, 200m and 500m, but 1st placing for everything.

i'm proud to have paddled for SAFSA in the 200m and 500m races. it was an honour to be with such a strong team with such dedicated and passionate paddlers.

the end of CCWC marks my first 2 Golds with SAFSA.

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SDBF 2010

my very first race for SAFSA. high expectations, rather high confidence.

our greatest nemesis were Mountbatten. we knew it would be a tough fight. but we thought we could retain the title. despite the effort, desire, we failed to secure a Gold, and had to settle for Silver.

are we really lesser than them? does having that many Nteam paddlers make a difference? why is it a club team overseas beat intimidating, results producing national teams then? we were good, but they were better.

this feeling sucks. i'll remember it, take it, and shove it up my next opponent's ass.

I will not settle for a Silver. the next SDBF, WATCH OUT.

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Once Again

I've realised after the dream I had last night, that I haven't move on.

I miss you. =[

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stop

let love find you, not the other way round.

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Shooting stars

If I could really wish upon a star, you would be what I would wish for.

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What do you do when..

.. You love someone you're not supposed to?

.. You can't let go of that person?

.. That person's happy/ happier somewhere else?





It's not that I haven't tried hard enough, but you just keep popping back again and again.

Sigh.

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FTs winning: to be proud, or not to be.

Now, recently the Singapore Table Tennis team beat China to win some World Championships. This has caused a spark among S'poreans because the people who won are 'imports' from China.

The problems many locals are having about this win is that at the end of the day, it's still China vs China.

Feng Tianwei, who made a surprising comeback to take the game right under the nose of China's World number 4, despite being raised here in the Lion City, is still not recognised by many S'poreans as a local.

Yes, I agree Singapore has brought in countless Foreign Talents(FTs) into the sporting scene and most of the trophies gotten from major competitions in recent years were from the FTs. But has it ever occured to S'poreans that it is due to their incompetence that the FTs are representing the Nation instead of locals? I'm not saying that local athletes are useless. In fact, every athlete from every corner of the world has the ability to surpass world champions.

Perhaps some S'poreans are worried that the team selection was biased, and that the once Chinese Nationals were selected due to their nationality. I do not work in or for the Singapore Table Tennis Association (STTA), thus I cannot comment on that. But if STTA is able to come out and share how athletes are chosen, then at least one worry is striked out.

In my opinion, coaches will only send the best players of a team to compete. Thus, if the local Table Tennis players can outskill the abilities of the FTs, then they would be the ones representing the Nation.

Doing a general comparison, the FTs train harder and are more determined to improve. Simply said, they've got a higher work rate. This is shown not only in sports, but also in classrooms, as some would realise. The attitude that the FTs are showing is something local athletes should look to possess. Perhaps some already do, but just do not have the talent to outshine the FTs.

Local athletes should use 'imported' players as sparring partners and look to beat them, part of Singapore Sports Council's purpose of coming up with the Foreign Talent Scheme. The citizens of the Republic should stop complaining about how FTs are taking over in all aspects. They must know that world is cruel, and so is reality. If you're the weaker link, then you will get taken off the charts and someone stronger will take over.

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Still the same

After so long, it's still you I'm thinking of everyday without fail. I've tried to let go, but failed. It's really really hard for me. Sigh.





I really wanna hear you call me 'boy' again. =\

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RPDB

i just finished my final race with RPDB on Sunday. MR 500 was really a blast. i was really disappointed that we didn't beat NTU for the Tertiary gold on Saturday(my very last chance to do so). but on Sunday, we managed to clinch third position for the Men's Open Grand Final, beating all other teams except the National Team and, yes, NTU. though we still lost to NTU, by an even closer margin than the day before, i was really contented because everyone achieved the team's common goal and put up a really good fight.

i would like to thank the team for the excellent ride on the boat for the Men's Grand Final and also for all their efforts in making the results possible. without each and everyone of you, none of that could have happened. continue to train hard, because the longer you stay in 'hell', the faster you'll reach 'heaven' to reap the benefits.

i also hereby express my gratitude to JD for his guidance to the team. a soft-spoken and humble coach that has brought the team to even greater heights, continuing the legacy Steve and himself created for the team since the start of RPDB.

i wish the team all the best. in future, we won't be teammates, but opponents. i still want to see the team rise, but i guarantee you, i will train even harder from now to beat you guys if we ever meet on the race course. no hard feelings though. =]





i leave you all with a few quotes that may help in motivating yourselves to train harder:

"success comes only if there's HARDWORK and SHEER DETERMINATION"

"one's attitude determines two possible results, SUCCESS or FAILURE"

"you CONSERVE, you LOSE"

Finished

everything's gone and nothing will ever be the same again.

"don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

easier said than done, but i'll have to try.

Thoughts In My Mind

my final race for RPDB, MR 500, is coming this weekend and i know i should just focus on it. but there's so many thoughts, outside Dragon Boat, running through my head right now.

things are not looking good. i have a really bad feeling about something, just hope that i'm wrong.

imy, A LOT.

sigh.

What's Wrong?

tears rolled down my cheeks as soon as the texting stopped. i have no idea what's going on now.

sigh.

cheer up.

Fatigue

i'm feeling the effects of burnout, as a result of overtraining i guess.

recently, i made the decision, along with Christo, to paddle for RP and SAFSA; Louis paddling for SAFSA only. both teams are training on weekends, RP in the morning, SAFSA in the noon. and because both sides are starting to pick up the training volume and intensity, i'm getting more fatigued.

i'm just really worried that i won't be able to pull through this. but i really don't want to let go of either team. for now, i just got to keep finding motivations to keep me going.

it's POL-ITE and SDBF glory i'm looking for, and i will push hard enough to get them.

Ending My Polytechnic Days

my days in RP is coming to an end. in about 3weeks, i'll be done with school. the only reasons for me to come back after that would be for Dragon Boat trainings and, probably, for graduation.

never has it occurred to me that there is a possibility of it ending in a sad/ bad way. initially, i believed that the close friends i have here in my tertiary institution will continue staying in contact with me, and vice-versa. however, it seems that i'm likely to be wrong about this.

being my closest friend, i never thought things could have gone so wrong. i'm so worried now that the moment school ends, we'll hardly ever see or contact each other again.

i don't want anything like that to happen. and you know that whether or not it will happen, it depends on you.

No You Hang Up

Severe Headache

blur vision.
headache.
felt like vomiting.
felt like dying.
i read online the causes of headaches; listed on a website were depression, stress, severe hunger.
i can only think of one cause, i was simply thinking too much.

i woke up fine this morning, confirming my thoughts.
i guess i'll have to try to let go, but i cannot confirm that i can do so.

Dreaming With a Broken Heart

Pessimism

worried about the future. worried about us drifting further. it's tough not to think of such things, seeing the way things are right now.

i want the old 'US' back. i don't like what we are now. i miss you, i miss us. but there's nothing i can do about anything now, except to wait for time to pass, so slowly, so painfully.




it's only been awhile and my kite seems to be flying further away from me. not exactly what i expected of 'flying high'.

So Cold

the way you're treating me now, it's really hurting. i hate how you're so cold to me. you told me you need time, and i'll give you time. but if this takes too long, or if nothing changes, i really don't know what's going to happen to me.




there's a possibility that the string on the kite might break. but if i know how to handle it, i know nothing's gonna go wrong.

January 2010

the first month of the decade has just been really bad for me. i can only hope the future holds better days.




it's now like kite flying; you let go a little, then wait for the right moment to pull back, only to see it fly even higher.

You're Always On My Mind

thanks for everything.
the happiness i got is incomparable to whatever anyone else has given me.
although it's over, no one knows what the future holds.
before we left, i gave you a pass, an immunity and only you and i know what it is for.
i'm sure you know when to use it, and you're free to do so anytime.





girl, for as long as i love you, i'll always welcome you back into my life.

Like A Drill In My Heart

it's hurting me and it's worst when it seems you don't realise.

I'm No Superman

it's not easy to be me. really. i am going through a very painful period in my life right now and i really hope for it to end. there's only one solution, two if i include God's help, and whoever that's involved in this knows what it is.





love a person not out of sympathy, but out of LOVE.
the former won't last but the latter will bring you a long way.
follow your heart and you'll know where true happiness lies
nobody said this was going to be easy, but if you never try, you'll never know.
trust yourself, stay strong and true to your beliefs and dreams.
there is a path covered by fear you haven't discovered.
remove the fear and you'll find out what's in it for you.