Down

This is probably the only place I can speak my mind with the least people knowing.

I've came from one of my high points of my life, into one of my lowest.

Simply said, things are not going my way.

I'm having problems with my friends.
I'm having problems maintaining what I do best, paddling.

It may seem like a really really short list but that's about the whole of my life, Dragon Boat and friends. My family's something I'm not too worries about because I know I can get help from my parents, or my mum at least.

See, my 21st birthday is coming and many have asked why I didn't hold a party. Trust me, 21st birthdays are really big deals. My usual answers would be that I don't have many friends around. Holding a party would only make it look worst and even if there's a hundred guests, most would go like "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERENCE!" and then 'munch munch munch' then "BYE! THANKS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!" I'm guilty of that too when I go to birthday parties, so I know.

Friends are really easy to find, but true friends aren't. Sadly, I'm probably still in search of that. At times maybe I thought "yea, he/ she will be like my true friend and will be there for me". Well I would say I'm wrong most of the time. Sad fact of life.

Then comes Dragon Boat, an integral part of my life. I would say my morale and confidence have been hit after being 'benched' for the CCWC 2000m race. Since then, I felt like crap and have been trying to push myself more to achieve a 'higher level of paddling', so to speak. Today's training just hit me once again as I realise the tough climb up the ladder. I thought I had a certain standard, but I was wrong.

I'm utterly disappointed in myself and I can only pray that I can stay strong and passionate to the sport. I actually, for the first time in a VERY long while, felt like quitting.

I don't have people I can talk to about such stuff, so I'm typing everything down here. I'm not expecting replies or advices of any sorts also.

I can only depend on God and myself to get myself out of this.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]