It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

which means.
it starts in about 15hours time!

came across this email sent by my mum.

The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
And you will feel IRRITATION
Then you will spoil personal RELATION
Ultimately you won't get CO-OPERATION
Then things will be full of COMPLICATION
Then your blood pressure may raise CAUTION
And you may have to take MEDICATION

Instead, understand the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
This will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think it's my free SUGGESTION
It's only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You will never come again to TENSION

- BILL GATES

my first attempt. couldn't find the right font. but hey, what the heck!

LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!

How to wash the cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water-a strong industrial solvent often works best-and lift both lids.

3. Pick up the cat and soothe him as you carry him toward the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids (someone may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power wash and rinse’ which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people or other obstacles between the toilet and the outdoors.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat, now exceedingly clean, will rocket out of the house at warp speed.

Sincerely yours, the Dog.

SMART ASS!

Have you ever wondered why Coke comes with a smile? It’s because it gets you high. They took the cocaine out almost a hundred years ago. You know why? It was redundant.

In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down.

20 minutes: Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get its hands on into fat. (There’s plenty of that at this particular moment)

40 minutes: Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dilate, your blood pressure rises, as a response your livers dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked preventing drowsiness.

45 minutes: Your body ups your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.

>60 minutes: The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.

>60 Minutes: The caffeine’s diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you’ll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolyte and water.

>60 minutes: As the rave inside of you dies down you’ll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You’ve also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the Coke. But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like even having the ability to hydrate your system or build strong bones and teeth.

Christo, hope you're reading this. =x

hello out there!

got this from a cool(lame) blog Lynnette(lame) showed me.

1. Can I borrow your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
2. Have I seen you before? Oh yeah! I saw you in the dictionary next to the word KABLAM!!!
3. Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s outta business
4. Was your father a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
5. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
6. Are your pants from outer space? ‘Cause your butt is out of this world,=.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
8. Hey, somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.
9. That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
10. Did you fart? ‘Cause you blew me away.
11. Don’t you know me from somewhere?
12. My love for you is like diarrhea - I can’t hold it in
13. Do you have a library card?’Cause I”d like to check you out
14. Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. (Oh Really. What is that?) It’s just that your number’s not in it.
15. You’ve got all the curves, and I’ve got all the angles
16. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
17. If you were a booger I would pick you first.
18. You stole my heart. But that’s okay. I have another one at home in the fridge.
19. Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
20. Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You’ve got fine written all over you.
21. Does my breath smell okay?
22. Ever since I met you, you’ve lived in my heart without paying any rent.
23. Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?
24. My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! It must be 15 minutes fast.
25. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
26. If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
27. Do you sleep on your belly at night? If no, can I?
28. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
29. People call me John, but you can call me tonight!
30. Here’s $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
31. You turn my software into hardware!
32. (Fall in front of a girl) Wow, I’ve never fallen for a girl like you before.
33. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
34. I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
35. Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see!
36. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
37. I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
38. You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
39. Can I even get a fake number?
40. I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.
41. Damn, I’m glad I’m not blind!
42. If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?
43. Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.
44. I’ll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle!
45. Excuse me, do you have a band-aid? Because I cut my knee when I fell for you.
46. Well here I am. What are your other two wishes?
47. You smell. Let’s shower.
48. Oh baby, you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.\
49. Are you an alarm clock? ‘Cause you opened my eyes
50. Are you a zoo? Because you bring the animal out in me.
51. Are you a magician? Because ever time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
52. Do you know why I can’t see any stars tonight? You outshine them.
53. Let’s save water. Let’s shower together.
54. My neck hurts, because as soon as you walked by I whipped my head!
55. What pick-up line actually works on you?
56. Did you get those jeans on sale? Because at my house their 100% off.
57. Hi, I’m Fun. I don’t think you’ve had me yet.
58. Are your parents terrorists? Because you’re the bomb.
59. Wanna go behind a rock and get a little boulder?
60. If I follow the rainbow will I get you in the end?
61. Good thing I’m not flammable because you’re smoking hot.
62. Do you like water? (Yes) Then you already like 70 percent of me.
63. If you held six roses in front of a mirror you’d see seven of the most beautiful things in the world.
64. I’m like a clock and you’re the batteries. Without you my world would end!
65. Hey can you please scratch my back? My arms are far too muscular for me to reach.
66. Did you hear the latest health report? You need to up your daily intake of vitamin me.
67. You must be peanut butter because you’re making my legs feel like jelly!
68. Hey my name is John, but you can call me later!
69. Are you religious? (Why?) Because you’re the answer to my prayers.
70. Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.
71. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
72. Let’s play chess. You turn off the light and I’ll make the first move!
73. Can I take your temperature?
74. Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I’d check my watch but I can’t take my eyes off you.
75. That shirt is awful. Take it off now!
76. Baby do you have a license? ‘Cause you’re driving me crazy
77. You’ll do.