after a day of excitement, i finally fell to what i told Lynnette. the amount of hopes put into "it" will eventually lead to great disappointment.
it came true, and now i feel like shit. i almost cried at TRCC, which is why i told Lynn not to talk to me about anything, which is why i left TRCC before anyone else did.
contemplating on me and relationships, i realised that i'm pretty much a failure of many sorts. i have never fulfilled what i ask for in my previous 5 relationships. i've failed badly, and as much as i want to recover, i once again fail to do so.
it's not a matter of time, it's a matter of fate, something that lies in God's hands. i can never control this, and i know it damn well. i may very well have to wait 10 years for someone to accept me, to let me try to win her heart, but do i really have that much time? i'm not going to die, but it would be too damn long.
i want to get into a relationship because i want to be loved, i want to love, more of the former though. it's a tough task for me to fulfill, it's a really high mountain for me to climb.
P.S. i don't blame you, i don't blame anyone but myself. i probably came in at the wrong time, and you're definitely not ready. it's just natural for me to be emotional over these things. don't worry, if you're reading this.
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