It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

which means.
it starts in about 15hours time!

came across this email sent by my mum.

The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
And you will feel IRRITATION
Then you will spoil personal RELATION
Ultimately you won't get CO-OPERATION
Then things will be full of COMPLICATION
Then your blood pressure may raise CAUTION
And you may have to take MEDICATION

Instead, understand the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
This will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think it's my free SUGGESTION
It's only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You will never come again to TENSION

- BILL GATES

my first attempt. couldn't find the right font. but hey, what the heck!

LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!

How to wash the cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water-a strong industrial solvent often works best-and lift both lids.

3. Pick up the cat and soothe him as you carry him toward the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids (someone may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power wash and rinse’ which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people or other obstacles between the toilet and the outdoors.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat, now exceedingly clean, will rocket out of the house at warp speed.

Sincerely yours, the Dog.

SMART ASS!